Off to America

We get to leave tonight for America!  We are all very excited.  Anna keeps asking, "America?" because yesterday we told her "neggay" for tomorrow.  Then today she kept saying "ahoon" and we assumed that it meant today and so we agreed.  Anna's attitude was going south and we figured out that "ahoon" means now, not today.  We eventually had to track someone down to explain to her in Amharic that we would not leave until after supper.  I think we have it all straight now.

 

The big event of the morning was going to get Anna's hair done.  The shop across the street from the Ritmo braided her hair (as you can see above).  They did not speak English so we made some hand gestures and then sat back to what would happen to her hair. It turned out great, of course.  They charged $25 Birr plus we gave them a $5 Birr tip.  That is about $3 USD.  Well worth the price.

 

This will be our last post until we get back to the states.  Until then, chow.

AAI’s Layla House

Some of the adoption agencies operate their own care centers (or orphanages) and some just use other care centers in Addis.  AAI operates their own care center and a few of their kids are at other centers.  CrazyMom and I had the opportunity to visit Layla house today.  It is the sixth care center we have now visited in Addis.

 

Our overall impression of Layla house was WOW!  We sometimes use the expression that one thing is head and shoulders above the rest.  Layla house is a torso, head and shoulders above the rest.  We have heard that Merrily Ripley has been working in the area of adoption for many, many years (she has adopted 18 children of her own, started AHOPE in Addis, and started AAI).  I can't imagine how many care centers she has visited in her life, but she evidently brought all of the best things that she has seen the world over and put them into Layla house. 

 

Here are a few of the particulars that we saw.  CrazyMom was looking into a room with only five infants and a worker.  She commented on what a great ratio of workers to infants that was and the person showing us around said, "Oh, there are actually two workers in this room.  The other must be taking a break."  When we were in a toddler room we found out that they strip, wash, and remake the beds EVERY day.  CrazyMom was very impressed, but I don't thing she is going to alter the frequency of the sheet washing program in our home.  (She would not let me say how often she washes sheets on our blog.)  The older kids have anywhere from six to ten kids in a room and EACH room has a room mother that sleeps in the room at night.  The kids go to school on the grounds from 9am to 3pm each day, which is more rigorous than the Ethiopian schools.  All of the kids have daily showers.  There is a doctor on site every day caring for the kids and if a child is at a different care center, they bring the child to Layla on a regular basis for the doctor to see them.  They have six caseworkers and when we walked by their room today two of them were there working with some children.  There were a lot of different play spaces for the kids and even green grass and flowers, which were a sight for sore eyes.  The appropriate age kids also go to a computer lab twice a week to learn English using Rosetta Stone software, keyboarding, and word processing skills among other things.  And the list goes on.

 

Of course, the thing that gets one really excited is to see a compound with a 143 smiling and happy children.  I guess at some point a care center can be too good and the children would rather stay and have fun and play with their friends rather than leave with their new parents.  We will hope that Layla does not cross that line. 

America, the Father of the Poor

I have been thinking recently about America and the relationship she has with the rest of the world.  Paul Farmer, one of the founders of Partners in Health, put on my radar screen a US/Haitian "development" project that built a huge dam for hydro power.  This dam flooded a valley and displaced many subsistence farmers driving them to higher non-farmable land.  Left to fend for themselves, they became the poorest of the poor.

 

While in Sodo, a birth family member said to me, "God bless America, the father of the poor."  She was thanking America and me for caring for the children of Sodo, Ethiopia.  The statement came as a bit of a surprise to me, but it was an honor. 

 

These are just two vignettes among thousands that remind me that America is large and complicated.  Some love us for the good, wholesome, and generous work we do in their areas and some hate us for the destructive, careless, and self-serving work that we do in their areas.  It was a blessing to see that at least some of the people of Sodo are truly grateful for the children that have been adopted from there and see America as the father of the poor.

It is a Question of Honor

The first time CrazyMom and I adopted, we debated about making a trip down to Sodo to meet any surviving family.  The agency we were using at the time discouraged us from doing so.  They said that is was a long and difficult trip and we would be on our own since they did not have the time or resources to help us with it.  They said the children have already said their goodbyes and it would be hard for them to go back.  They said the family members might ask us for money and complications could arise.  Our time in Ethiopia was short and so we acquiesced and did not go to Sodo.

 

Over the last year we were a little disappointed we had not gone to Sodo and wanted to try to make it happen this time.  In talking with people about the trip, someone asked us to think about what we would have to gain by going.  In reflecting on this question, I decided that I did not have much to gain although I was highly interested in going.  But when I thought about the birth family members in Sodo and my adopted children, I knew that they had a lot to gain.  If I were in a position where I and those around me could not care for my children and I had to give them up for adoption, I knew I would not be satisfied with a photo of the adoptive family.  I would want to see them with my own eyes.  I would want to see how they interacted with my children so I could know that everything would be all right.  And so I knew we should go to Sodo.

 

 The agency we are using this time is philosophically at the other extreme about visiting family.  They say it should be done.  They say that it is good for everybody, especially the children.  They say that when the children see a surviving family member give their blessing to the new parents, it is significant for the children.  And they are not all talk.  The agency brings the adoptive parents to Addis or takes the adoptive parents to the family.  They also send a social worker to the meeting to translate and provide expert care – even if it is an overnight trip to Sodo.  They find the time and resources to make family visits happen even though their fees are less.  It is a priority for them.

 

When we were in Sodo a family member asked me who came to pick up the children a year ago.  I said that it was CrazyMom and I and as I said it, I became angry.  I was not angry with them; I was angry with myself.  I could see in the body language that the real question was, "Why did you not come last year?  Why have I had to wonder about you for a whole year?" but they were too polite to ask the question that way.  And so I was angry with myself that I had not listened to what I thought was right and made the trip to Sodo a year ago.

 

A different family member told us, "Thank you for honoring us and honoring the children by coming to see us."  The statement brought into sharp focus for me the issue at stake.  It was a question of honor.  I can hear the birth family asking, "Will the rich American family that can provide for our children care enough to take the time to come and meet us?  Will they honor our family with a visit?"  It is very satisfying for me to know that I was able to honor the family on this trip to Ethiopia.  While I did not think that I had much to gain on the trip and it was more for the children and the family, I now agree with AAI - it is good for everybody.

 

(Disclaimer – I am not an expert in the field and every child/family is different.  There may very well be good reasons for you not to visit the birth family.  This is simply what I experienced.)

Coming Home Early

We got the wonderful news today that our paperwork set a new time record and finished up today.  As soon as I heard, I ran out the door and flagged down the first blue taxi I saw to take me to the Ethiopian Airline office at the Hilton.  I was hoping that I would get lucky and get three seats to the US tonight (Tuesday), but they were booked.  Ethiopian Airlines does not have a flight on Wednesday but we were able to get on the Thursday flight.  This will put us back in our home airport on Friday at 2pm – a full day earlier than the original plan.

 

Anna is doing great, although she is playing favorites.  She has developed a little attitude with CrazyMom and then she is all warm and fuzzy with me  "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" is evidently a phrase she has not heard yet.

To Sodo and Back

CrazyMom, Anna, and I made an overnight trip south to Sodo.  This is the town that all three of our Ethiopian kids are from.  It was quite the adventure that can't be contained in the 400+ pictures that we took.  There were many aspects to the trip, but in this post I will focus primarily on the overarching impressions of rural Ethiopia.

 

When one travels out of Addis, there are several dominate things that you see.  The first is the people.  You get to see a lot of people because the road is a corridor of life.  People meet on the road, hang out on the road, carry critical supplies like water, food, and fuel on the road, sell their goods on the road, and use the road to drive their livestock to water.   You see men and boys as young as six bearing sticks and driving cattle or goats to water. You see donkeys in various states of health carrying loads of all kinds.  You see women and girls carrying wood or other supplies too heavy for their bodies.  You see children on the way to or from their 1/2 day of school.  You see babies wrapped tightly on the backs of their mothers or sisters.  You see many, many, many people looking for a ride. 

 

It is hard not to reflect on how much effort these people expend getting unsafe drinking water to their homes and how little effort it takes for me to turn on a faucet.  Imagine walking miles to a creek carrying a child on your back just to dip water into your dirty yellow jug while others are bathing and doing laundry nearby. 

 

The houses the people live in also stand out.  You see a lot of the traditional round thatch-covered huts called gojobets.  The sides are made of sticks put into the ground close together.  The nicer ones have been covered with a mud/straw mixture to keep out the elements.  The nicest ones have been painted on the outside with warm earth tones or some even had paintings of animals.  Most of these homes have established their compound by setting up some sort of boarder of rocks or sticks in the ground.  I have seen many picturesque photos of these huts nestled in the hills overlooking a valley.  While they may be picturesque, the reality of living in one without running water anywhere nearby is much different.  In addition to the traditional round homes, some of the homes had the same building materials but were in the more modern rectangle shape.  The nicer homes had tin roofs.

 

Every so often you pass through a rural town that in some ways reminds one of America - a main drag through a small town with a cluster of shops and stores.  Every once in awhile there is an eye popping nice building that is multi story with glass windows that seemed a little out of place.

 

The road was pretty good most of the way.  They are working hard at paving it and there are only a few miles left to be paved.  A trip that we heard takes seven to eight hours only took us six on the way down (due to a lack of signs on a poor detour) and 5.5 hours on the way back.  When the road is done the trip could be done in five hours or less.

 

Another overarching impression is that of dust.  It is currently the dry season here and there is a fine, ever present and always penetrating dust in the air.  It gets into your nose, your eyes, your mouth, your hair, and your camera.  It floats around the inside of the vehicle and settles on everything.  One of the first things CrazyMom and I did when we returned was to take a long, hot shower.  While we were able to get a room in Sodo's nicest hotel ($11 a night), there was no water available.

 

Finally, I was impressed with the beauty of the country - the rolling hills, the mountains, the Acacia trees, and all of the farmland.  It was truly gorgeous.  And despite the tough life of many of the people, I witnessed far more smiles than any other expression.  This journey will certainly be one of the highlights of our trip to Ethiopia.

I Don’t Have a Family

Today we went back to the orphanage where Anna lived for a farewell party with some other adoptive families.  I had an errand to run so I went separately and got there a half hour or so before the main group.  Sister L. showed me to the official waiting room but I asked if I could roam the courtyard with the children instead.  "As you wish," she said and she disappeared to take care of other demands.  I had a crowd around me but I eventually made it to some stone steps leading into a building.  I sat down in the bright sunshine. The kids closest to me sat down as well pressing against my side and back as well as sitting at my feet. The younger kids would hold my hands or gently rub their hands on my arms to see what white skin felt like.  The outer group of kids had to stand and was generally comprised of older kids.  I passed the time trying to learn names and my pronunciations were often atrocious.  When I would finally get a name right, the child would quickly raise and lower their eyebrows in a sign of approval. The kids with better English skills played the role of translators.  They would ask me a question, I would respond, and then they would tell the others in Amharic what I had said. 

 

A little later I was walking again with the perpetual but ever changing crowd around me.  I felt a child's hand come into mine as had happened a hundred times already, but I did not look down until I had finished trying to learn another name.  When I looked down there was a young girl about five looking back up at me.  Her face was sad and her large brown eyes were soft and a little moist.  I bent over to ask her what her name was, but she spoke first.  "I don't have a family," she said softly not averting her eyes from mine.

 

I was taken aback.  In all the fun I was having with the children I had forgotten that Sister L. had told me that all of the kids know who has a family and who does not.  There are the "haves" and the "have nots".  Here I was looking into the eyes of a have not.  I put my other hand on her shoulder and said, "Soon.  Soon." 

 

But will it be soon for her?  How do I know?  Of the 170 children at K.M. not all will get a family soon and some will not get a family at all.  I witnessed today a bright handsome older boy saying goodbye to two good friends – something that he has done too many times before and now he is again left behind.  I also spent time with a beautiful girl who had strong English skills.  She is now a forever have not.  She was passed over too many times during her last eight to nine years at K.M. and now she is 16 and no longer adoptable.  Since she had nowhere to go, Sister L. transitioned her from being a child at K.M. to being a worker at K.M. 

 

And so it is at K.M., and at other orphanages in Addis Ababa, and in other cities in Ethiopia, and in other countries in sub-Saharan Africa and around the world.  Millions of children will go to bed tonight in a crowded room in an orphanage.  When they lay their heads down they will be acutely aware of the haves and the have nots in the room with them.  And the have nots will say softly to themselves, "I don't have a family."

Going Away

Anna started her day with a bath.  The above photo is just after her bath when she was sitting on the bed.  She was getting all cleaned up for the big event of the day which was a going away party at K.M. with some other families (more about that in the next post).

 

After the going away party there was lunch on the town.  Anna had a little fit over sharing her ice cream that comprised of no noise at all but a continual shrugging of the shoulder with her head turned.  Another mom with us had a hard time not laughing because of how cute it was.

 

After lunch it was back to the guest house for another parting of ways.  An adoptive family that has been at the guest house ever since we arrived was leaving for America.  It was great getting to know them and it seems a little too quiet at the house now that they are gone. 

 

We will not be posting for a day or two because we will be traveling out of town and will not have internet access.  We will catch you up when we are back in Addis.

Shades

There is another family staying at the guest house with us and they are adopting two older boys.  It is fun to see how much affection they show towards Anna and how they take care of her.  Today, one of the boys took off his headband and glasses and put them on Anna.  The look was not quite right so he pulled out her ponytail and adjusted her hair as well.  You can see the results in the above photo.

                                                            

There is more to tell about our trip up the mountain, but it is a tale too long for tonight.  I will try to find time soon.

A Day on the Town

One of the gestures in Ethiopia is the way people say yes.  They do a quick lift of the chin, or upward nod, along with a raising of the eyebrows.  At times Anna is a little shy and she says yes with just the slightest raising of the eyebrows.  Another gesture among the youth is to turn their head to the side and shrug the shoulder to which they turn their head.  I think the appropriate translation for this is "whatever."  Anna does it beautifully and as she becomes more comfortable with us, she does it more often.  She is so cute when she gestures "whatever" that it is hard not to smile and laugh.

 

Today we went out on the town and did a little shopping.  After getting back to the guest house CrazyMom took out Anna's braids which were a little too tight for her.  It was a long process and Anna did great sitting still for it.  Well, she sat still for the first half of it and slept through the second half.

 

Tomorrow we are off on a small day trip up a mountain that overlooks Addis Ababa.