Thursday, June 19, 2008

This is great, but is it over yet?

I love the day we roll out of the driveway with a heavily packed van for a family road trip. I also love the day we come home. This week feels like that with the three older girls being gone all week at camp. It has been great, but I am ready for it to be over.

Having the older girls gone has created a new atmosphere in our home. For example, I took a leaf out of the table and when the six of us pulled our chairs in for supper, it felt down right cozy. I could see every face around the table without binoculars and I could talk to anyone at the table without a marine flagman. The conversation was quite different as well. Taking away a third of the people reduced the number of interactions at the table far more. It was nice – for a day or two.

When I wander the house and notice Miss Bookworm’s violin, F.G.’s shoes in the closet, or Ed’s bike in the garage, I am reminded that they are not with us now. When I am upstairs putting the boys to bed there is this screaming silence from the end of the hall where light spills into their dark vacant room. “How does one ever survive the loss of a child?” I wonder. There would be just too many reminders, too many feelings, too much pain.

While there have been moments this week when I have felt the desire for the simplicity of a small family, I have been more overwhelmed with the loss of richness in our home. I am thrilled about my now clean desk, but that still pales in comparison to having my girls around making demands on my time so I don’t have time for my desk.

“I don’t know how you do it will all of those kids around,” people say to me all of the time. Well, I guess I don’t know how I could do it if I did not have all of these kids around. Life just wouldn’t be the same.


Darcy said...

Amen and Amen. That's the best I can comment! Children are such a blessing, more people should try more blessings!

sandwichinwi said...

I so hear you! My two oldest will be at camp next week and I am expecting the exact same feelings. You put it into words so well!

Joyful wishes for your return to a large family again!


Anonymous said...

I am so glad to have mine back home and I can't wait to bring the other two into my home.


sdd said...

Just wait until they leave for college--the emptiness in the home and your heart are large! Mine went 2800 miles away, and came home only at Christmas and summer. But they were happy and at a great school, so it's a sacrifice we knew we had to make. (Now the oldest is gone for the summer, too.) Enjoy them when they're still home--they will be gone before you know it. Symona

Sara said...

My son was just gone for a week, and I experienced the exact same feelings.

I found your blog through Josh and Bethany Taylor's btw.