Sunday, April 1, 2007

A Hand in Mine

We all have moments where we are overcome with emotion. I have had these moments in the past, but now the spaces between them are smaller.

Tonight I had another "episode".

I was standing in church worshiping. K.D. was at my side standing on the pew. My arm draped over him and his around me. He wiggled his small hand into mine hanging at his side so that my hand was wrapping around his. Then the emotions came.

Now I am fully aware what if feels like to be overcome with the love for a child. I do, after all, have a number of them. The emotion that now overtakes me is all of that, but also more. There are other flavors mixing with the love of a child that are not yet fully identifiable to me.

As I see his velvety brown hand in mine, I can just dimly make out some of the things that cause these other flavors to mix in. He stands there in all of his beauty. He stands there so full of life that he is a living testimony to me of others who are also worthy of life. We are transracial, transcultural, transcontinental. We don't speak the same language. We are enjoying the newness of a relationship now just a month old.

In one way these things matter so much and in another way they don't matter at all. It is enough that I am father and he is son.

And so the emotion that rolls over me is rich and complex and new.


melody said...

Found you through Owlhaven. I love your family.

We are a family of one bio son,3 adopted sons, mom and dad. I love your story and will visit again.

Blessings to your family

KelseyChristine said...

I found your blog through Owlhaven too and I am so happy I did! I loved reading through the archives--especially your posts from the trip and the videos of the kids. I wish we had more video of Tekle speaking in Amharic...we only have a few clips. Thanks for sharing all the stories--I learned a lot!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing many of the "happenings" as well as some of the feelings behind the happenings. It really does allow us to see more deeply into what is really "happening" in your family.

Jennifer said...

such an insightful post - I know just what you mean about the unidentifiable feeling - it overwhelms me so often for Jaso. I love all three of my kids dearly but there is something new and different in this experience with Jaso that is completely unique from my bio kids. I can't name it either....